Men Behaving Badly

Published by Positive Nation June 2004

Sarah T, an 18-year-old volunteer for Children with AIDS Charity and living with HIV, calls men to account.

More women than men have died of an Aids-related illness since HIV/AIDS was first identified. Women are especially vulnerable because they have been treated without consideration over the last few decades, especially in countries where men assume women merely exist to carry out house-work and produce children. Younger women in countries where the cost of education is out of their reach are especially vulnerable to sexual exploitation because men use them for sex, and always promise money in return.

Most men prefer not to wear a condom and it is customary in many countries for the man to play a dominant role in sexual relationships, regardless of what women think. Most women are not empowered and cannot say 'no' to sexual advances, either during the sale of sex or even inside marriage.

Society and power are to blame for how women are treated across the world. Often older men, sugar daddies, get young girls aged between 13-16 years old and groom them. Because you are 13 and naive, you are more likely to believe a man who says that he is going to pay for your education and he wants nothing in return. In this world nothing is free. Girls get used to having sex at a young age and when you are young and vulnerable you can't tell a man who is twice your age, "sorry darling but you need to use a condom". This is one of the main ways women are vulnerable to HIV/AIDS.

If a society thinks that a woman's place is in the kitchen and that they should be dependent on men, how do you change the women who also believe this is ok? Most women in the developing world have neither the education nor income, so they have to depend on a man. They don't get the same opportunities. I once believed women had come far since the days when they were barred from voting, but in reality it seems like we are still back in the dark ages.

Women fear stigma if they seek help for their health, and that's why most don't go to health clinics to get tested for HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases. Commonly, women violated by men don't report it. Some are even forced to have sex with their family members. Some widows are barred from inheriting their late husband's money if he has died from an Aids-related illness. This often makes them turn to prostitution because they want to provide for their family.

In Britain, it's difficult for rape victims to get justice. I know it's not right to take the law in your own hands but I would want to kill a rapist, because I have always been taught that your body is a temple and you should choose whom you sleep with. Some argue that this is a Western way of talking, but I would rather talk and be assertive than put up with a man who violates my body and refuses to use a condom.

The so-called international community knows this is happening. This year's World Aids Day will focus on women and children because they are at the most risk of getting HIV. This is good but I worry that people will get bored and stop working at it.

My message to the United Nations would be: help women become more assertive and educated so they can provide for their children and give women and girls counselling so they can overcome the trauma of rape and abuse. Children must be taught that physical and sexual abuse is unacceptable. If a boy sees that it's ok for his father to hit or rape his mother he may do the same as an adult. If you are a young women you are going to think that it's ok for your body to be violated by a man. Somehow, someone has to break the cycle, either in my generation or the next.

Back to main News page